i'm so excited for this weekend! clare and i are going to a baseball game. we went out of town last month to the aquarium and had the best time. i'm looking forward to this experience as well. i have tried blogging from my blackberry when away from the computer, but those attempts have been unsuccessful. idk why they didn't post, but it's irritating! this explains the gap in blogging.

on another note, i could go without the "adam lambert - is he gay?" nonsense. am i the only one who really doesn't care? why does it matter if he is gay or not? who cares people?!

well let's get it over with, before i'm next. i'm gay.

i've been glued to the tv for the past 3 days, watching the NCAA softball world series. florida plays in 30 minutes - woot woot go gators! however, washington is playing georgia right now, and i'm not complaining...lol. just sayin!

was anyone else caught off guard by nigel lythgoe's comments on so you think you can dance this week? i'm not one that is ready to picket every 5 minutes, claiming discrimination. but i was a little offended by his comments regarding the male ballroom dancing duo. E! online posted this story, summarizing what was said by lythgoe:




SYTYCD 's Nigel Lythgoe Tweets Off Against GLAAD's "Homophobic" Accusation
Fri., May. 22, 2009 1:45 PM PDT by NATALIE ABRAMS


Mathew Imaging/Getty Images
The brains behind the feet of So You Think You Can Dance are trying to fight back after coming under attack over some allegedly homophobic comments.

GLAAD was on the warpath today after remarks made by show mastermind and judge Nigel Lythgoe toward same-sex dance duo Misha Belfer and Mitchel Kibel in last night's premiere.

"I think you probably alienate a lot of our audience," he said after the duo's samba. "I mean, we've always had the guys dance together on the show, but they've never really done it in each other's arms before.

"Do you know what? I'd like to see you both dancing with a girl."

Nigel continued his tirade online, saying, "The same-sex ballroom guys did remind me of Blades of Glory. However, I'm not a fan of Brokeback ballroom."

GLAAD and Nigel have only been escalating from there...

"It's unacceptable for this kind of blatant homophobia to occur," GLAAD President Neil G. Giuliano said in a statement. "Fox Entertainment and Nigel Lythgoe owe Misha, Mitchel and the whole LGBT community an apology."

Nigel responded via Twitter: "I am very sad the word 'homophobe' is being used. That is someone who hates homosexuals. I dislike effeminate dancing! Wake up and listen!"

GLAAD is now asking the gay community and fans of the show to fire back by emailing and calling Fox to get Nigel to apologize for his comments.

Producers of the show issued this statement about the situation: "The judges of So You Think You Can Dance critique auditioners and contestants on their overall performance, stage presence, technique and a wide range of characteristics. All dancers are aware when they audition they will be subject to the judges' opinions. We apologize if any viewers were offended by their remarks."

i know everyone has their own opinions. but i believe it's important, in everyday life -- not just on tv, to be aware of HOW you say things in attempt to not offend others. i have lots of opinions. but they could be offensive if said different ways. it's a respect issue, people.

lythgoe has recently issued an apology to glaad, saying:

"I sincerely regret the fact that I have upset people with the poor word choices and comments I made both during the taping of the So You Think You Can Dance audition and on my personal status update," said Lythgoe. "I am not homophobic and it was extremely upsetting for me to be classed as such."

Find the stories here and here.

ryan, 23 year old female, with cerebral palsy. ryan is as social as they come. and although she is 23 she stands about 5 foot tall with a thin frame, built like a 5th grader. in addition to having cerebral palsy, ryan is legally blind. but this doesn't stop her from having one of the most beautiful smiles and amazing personalities. i held ryan on a horse today as she practiced motor skills - using language to get the horse to go and stop, muscle direction pulling on the reins to turn the horse, and balance as she lifter herself onto and off of the horse. within 15 minutes she grabbed my heart and will never let go...as she stood next to me on the mounting dock and grabbed my hand in anticipation for her assigned horse for the lesson - patton - to arrive in front of her. i don't think a smile left my face for the next hour as she told me how great she was doing, and laughed at little things she said. she was adorable and i can only hope that my path will cross with other people like ryan...if i could only be so lucky. i consider myself extremely blessed to have had the opportunity of spending just 1 hour with her.

it's moments like these that make me further realize how precious life is and how a simple smile can change your day!

i've been gone for a while as i just got home from spending a week in hawaii. it was gorgeous, fabulous, and served as a much needed vacation. however, my first post back is not about my vacation, it's to support my friend, heather, in her quest for a job with Murphy-Goode Winery. she submitted this video:



and needs your vote! click on this link, find her video, and select it as your favorite! i know this would be a fantastic opportunity for heather, and an incredible experience for murphy-goode to have her as part of their company. good luck, heather!!

i scored a 98% on my organic chemistry final.

i'm still in shock.

i couldn't be more excited that this semester is over!

i'm leaving for hawaii on monday and i'm so nervous.

i will be halfway around the world from my gf.

that makes me terribly sad.

and i'll be enduring the 11 hour nonstop flight solo as i'm meeting my friends there.

WHAT. AM. I. GONNA. DO???

how am i gonna survive a flight that long? by myself?

i'm not ready for this final.

i'm convinced that i could study for months and still not be ready.

it sucks that everything i have worked for comes down to this one test.

i've had a horrible day.

i have a lot on my mind.

i need to get away.

it would be wonderful to go to sleep and not wake up for a while.

i can't even begin to express how much i want tuesday to be over with.

this semester has been hell!

today has been such a long day, tonight will be even longer.

biggest final of my life tomorrow.

ridiculous final tuesday at noon.

then i have some freedom.

when i feel like someone doesn't care, i pull away and close up.

i'm human. i have feelings. i react in certain ways b/c of what i've been through. how i've been treated. how i had the shit beat out of me for years. i wasn't allowed to have emotions. i was never allowed to show them.

that hasn't changed. so i pull away. close up. i doubt i'll ever be comfortable showing my emotions.

so when i hurt. i won't show you.

when someone makes me feel like they don't care. i won't show it.

but you'll know.

it's official. i'm starting the "clare-isms" entries. she is on the phone with her mom and just said they served "jon bolie" at work yesterday. i said, "jambalaya??!!"

when you spend almost all day, every day with someone, it's hard to be apart. this week has been difficult. clare has been working long hours and i have been studying non-stop for this damn organic chem final. but at the end of the day we came home to each other.

however tomorrow will be different. she will leave at 5am to go to work and i won't get to see her until monday after my final. that's going to seem like forever. i've never wanted a semester to be over more than this semester. it has been ridiculously intense.

watching Notorious with Clare. No, I'm not kidding.

I promised her I would watch it with her. She wanted to see it when it was in the theatre. I compromised and grabbed it at Redbox.



it's interesting, to say the least. does this mean i'm not gangsta?

next week will mark the 3 year anniversary living in my house. when i was moving in i had tv fairy tale dreams of having awesome neighbors, walking through a safe neighborhood, letting the pup outback to frolic in the yard, sitting outside sippin lemonade while enjoying the peaceful evenings...warm fuzzy feelings. my house was my project. i gutted it, had all new floors installed, painted every wall to the colors i wanted, new appliances, new landscaping - the whole shebang. besides my dog and my gf, it's my baby. i love it. there's just one problem. JODIE FOSTER. (the neighbor to the right of me). for the most part, i never see my other neighbors. there is a foreign man that lives 2 houses down from me who has tried to run over me twice but other than that, our paths rarely ever cross. but jodie is a different story. i share a property line with this woman and she is heinous if i'm being polite.

i call her jodie foster because the first month, i was in and out of the hospital and my parents spent most of their time at my house doing yard work, etc. while in the yard, my dad (the world's shyest man) would get approached by "jodie" and apparently she carried on long personal conversations with him on several occasions. and when i say personal, i mean she told my dad she was a lesbian who met her partner at a university near my parents house and they live together. "oh a lesbian? sweet!" ...i thought...

you know how you will lock eyes with another suspected lesbian somewhere and you may share a glance or smile like a secret handshake in the homo sorority sisterhood. i thought it was great to have a lesbian neighbor. except, in the 3 years that i have lived here, "jodie" has said 2 sentences to me. once was a forced to be polite sentence while her dad was helping her trim trees in the back, "i may have dropped a limb over your fence into the backyard, i'm sorry. if you wanna just throw it back over we'll put it on the curb." i said "oh i'm sure my dog thinks God himself just threw her a toy from the sky. i don't mind at all, thanks. her dad smiled a genuine smile, as if he were in agreement and they carried on to the curb (limb stacks in hand). this was last summer. 2 years after i moved in. it took her 2 years to say something to me.

also, i have only seen her suspected "partner" at her house a handful of times. used to her "partner" would be there maybe once a week. i thought maybe she traveled and it kept her away from home often. then almost a year went by and her partner had not been seen until last weekend while C and i were walkin' the pup, we came home and they were standing in jodie's yard. the suspected partner waved and said "hey how are you?" jodie shot her a hateful look. C and i waved back and we both replied "good, how are you" and kept walking.

the other time jodie spoke to me, was when she showed up on my door step during a snow storm and bitched about C's car being parked in front of her house. my first thought was, "what's the problem, Ms. Personality? having lots of friends over?" she never has people over. ever. and i think it's obvious why the woman tends to spend all her time alone in her yard. she hates people. everyone except my stepdad apparently lol.

jodie takes great pride in her yard/landscaping. as she should - her yard looks incredible. but keep in mind...we share a property line. which means if i don't mow in the exact pattern she does with the same blade setting, it throws off her entire masterpiece completely. apparently. there is a tricky part between our houses where i have to "scoop" the lawn mower around a bush...it totally messes up the straight line formation she has going and the "scoop" (half-circle-like) crosses her property line. but there are 2 options here. i could mow the scoop and cross her line or i could be a dick and only mow TO the bush and assume she will take it from there. so today i did the scoop.

she comes home in the middle of my mowing, gets out of her car, walks out of the garage, across the yard and looks in the direction of "the scoop." i look at her, she throws her traditional hateful look my way, and shakes her head as if she is annoyed with something.

the woman is impossible. i have never encountered someone who was anymore determined to dislike people more than "jodie." i said to C, after we waved and spoke to the "partner" last weekend, "i really truly believe it would kill that woman to smile and fake being nice to someone." i totally think it would. how sad.

i sleep better when she's here. it's true. she is sleeping soundly b/c work starts at 5am tomorrow. another long day, where i'll be stuck studying and she'll be working 12-14 hours. i'm not excited about it at all. but hopefully this weekend will pass fast, work will go well for her, studying will be worth it for me, and i can get past these two finals successfully...i only have 6 days off until my summer class starts and we're gonna make the most of it. this summer will be busy - class, voluteer with several organizations, study for entrance exam, application cycle begins, then fall classes start. i can't even imagine what it will be like. but i do know that as long as she is here, everything will be wonderful. :)